


Team Iron Man

by Donya



Series: CAW CAW Team Iron Man [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Humour, M/M, Steve is a total dick, Tony Stark Has Daddy Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 19:02:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6820360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donya/pseuds/Donya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During the airport battle, Tony is saved by an unlikely ally who creeps out everyone present.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Team Iron Man

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Français available: [Team Iron Man](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6893272) by [Callistontheweb](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Callistontheweb/pseuds/Callistontheweb)



Steve was prepared for everything to protect Bucky and clear his name. The desperate situation called for desperate measures, like betraying his loyal friends, dragging other people into his crazy mission and forcing the Avengers, all sorts of them, to fight one another. Bucky was worth it because he was Steve's friend ages ago and only tried to kill him a couple of times.

Trying so hard to avoid unnecessary devastation and accidental civilian casualties, the real heroes and the traitors exchanged insults, punches and blows, got kicked, trapped under cars and immobilised by spider's web at the airport. Apart from the drama, it was so much fun, like a very serious sparring session. As much as Steve wanted to ~~elope~~ get away with his old pal, he didn't want to miss the action. Huge Ant-Man, extra agile and super awesome Black Panther, that weird spider kid, everything happened so much. 

A sudden bright ray of light blinded the Avengers for a moment. They all suspected they hit their head too hard and were hallucinating when an unexpected person emerged from the light. On an eight-legged horse. Golden armour, a stylish eye-patch, a silver beard and a pointy sceptre, no doubt, an Asgardian. Steve stared at him in disbelief, struggling to comprehend what Odin the Allfather, on the back of Sleipnir, was doing on Earth. 

'I am Odin,' the god roared and got off the horse. 'Not someone else. And you, mortals, you always fuck everything up!'

Steve was about to mutter to himself, 'Language,' but then Odin approached a battered and angsty Iron Man. Tony revealed his face and his awful black eye. Odin gasped out in shock and gently cupped Tony's cheek, whispering something comforting. Tony nodded and did not flinch when Odin embraced him, putting his hands not on Tony's back like a normal person, but lower, much lower. He freaking grabbed Tony's ass, right in front of an extremely shocked audience.

'Oh my God!' Steve voiced the general disgust. 'Tony! You and Odin? Does Thor know?'

Tony gave Steve a cold look over the old pervert's shoulder. 'Yeah, what a surprise. I have daddy issues. I like older men, father figures. And I call Odin daddy in bed.'

His appalling confession caused a wave of nausea and turned every smirk into a grimace. Being like Lana del Rey is not a crime but Odin? Thor's dad? How old is he anyway? Two thousand years old? Goodness, poor Thor.

Odin took Tony's hand and led him to Sleipnir, apparently to get him out of the battlefield. 'You are so infantile, mortals!' Odin continued while making sure Tony was comfortable on the magical horse. 'You hurt Tony's feelings! He's in pain, physical and mental! Think what you did to him, he could have been injured. If you're too self-absorbed to realise he was only trying to protect innocent people, then maybe you should not hit him but yourselves.'

Steve did not like the reprimand, though at that point, he had bigger worries. Tony and Odin, good grief and it was not platonic. Don't think about it, he told himself, don't picture them together, naked and debauched. Ah! Too late. 

Odin jumped onto the horse, oddly effortlessly. He was fitter than Steve suspected. Hmm. Tony hugged his daddy's middle from behind, ready for an inter-realm ride. 

'One last thing,' Odin turned his one eye to Black Panther. 'You! I am a huge fan. You are too good for this freak show. Love your claws.'

Black Panther bowed his head, thankful and polite.  

'All right, you may carry on,' Odin said and disappeared with Tony Stark. Most likely to tend to his wounds, those spiritual ones. By having sex with him. Steve lost the drive to get Bucky to Siberia, all he wanted was to gauge his eyes out and buy Thor a drink. Then find him a good therapist. How could Howard neglect Tony so much? Didn't he realise how it would affect Tony's sex life? He was lucky not to see his son being touched by an ancient sexual predator. 

'Umm, guys?' Natasha was the first to break the heavy silence. 'How about we forget about this and go get drunk?'

'Good idea. And those of us who have kids, remember to treat them right. Having a distant father really fucked Tony up.'

 

In the middle of nowhere, in the icy, inhospitable Siberia, Zemo waited for Captain America, Bucky and whoever cared to join them. He had been hiding underground with dead other Winter Soldiers for quite a while. Nobody came. Perhaps something stopped them. Dang it. The evil plan to have a vengeance on the good guys instead of the villain was perfect, what went wrong? 

**Author's Note:**

> Actually, I'm team Black Panther. He stole the show and I loved it.
> 
> Also, Steve kissing Peggy's niece? Gross. What would Peggy say?


End file.
